Joy - Against Me 

All's quiet, except for this song.

So maybe while I'm not together I can feel like I'm not alone.

And somewhere off in the distance, rapidly advancing, is an onslaught of sorts.

Young sirens wail in a skewed sense of glory.

And the lions in the cages roar at the memory of fight.

And there's a joy, a joy in all I can see.

A joy, in every possibility.

And all around us is a great, great failing.

American rockets red-glare in a most

disgusting triumph.

And in passing I am asked "Do you believe in a God?",

I shrug off the answer, continue to get high

in this terror of no explanation.

I am looking for a faith.

My panic is an only reason.

There's a joy, a joy in all I can see.

A joy, in every possibility

Currently addicted to this specific song whom Ali recommended me.

Fought with Maziz yesterday. Oh well, if he dont remind himself about my blog, then i should write a piece of what i feel. With him working always, i rarely get to spend time with him, makes me really miss times like when he used to send me home after school.. Clarke Quay moments... so sometimes it just get me so down cause its been weeks since i spend time with him just us two. I worry too, cause i know im the type that will get sick of a person. And since its been so long since we went out together just us two, who knows days like tomorrow when im actually going out with him might me awkward and different like how i use to feel? 

Yesterday, i do not know whether it was my mistake of hoping too much or his that made me hope. Maybe i just miss him so much. To the extent when he said he might meet me after he spend time with his family, i felt indescribable happiness suddenly. Planned to go home but i could meet mana and have dinner with Shikin before they go enjoy their movie of the sneak peak of Avengers. So then i might mana, and turns out i didnt met Maziz. Something tells me from his text, he was tryna bush around about not wanting to meet me. I wasnt the only one thinking that specific way. He could have just said no, or say that he dont have much time.

But no. I told him specifically before i went town that im going town area just to teman mana and Shikin till 9.

And then, feeling rejected, feeling so tired of holding back tears and forcing a smile when Shikin shouted 'YOU CRY I AM GONNA SHOUT AT YOU!' clenching my cheeks together, i isolated myself from them two while they were getting their tickets, and brokedown just cause i had too. I forced dinner down my throat while there were urges for me to cry and rant. 

But that was yesterday, today's Labour Day and so far im not having any difficulties. Tho last night was hard to sleep. I kept waking up to see no text and to cry till i sleep. Causing some headaches now. Hmmmm, its 12.34pm now.. And i think i should be making my way to the toilet to bathe.